Recipe: Strawberry Gravy [status: untested]

I don't have the resources to experiment much in the kitchen these days, so somebody try this for me.

The Bloggess just posted the BEST IDEA EVER: STRAWBERRY GRAVY.

I tried to think what she might mean by that. We'll just ignore all the possibilities of what it could be drizzled (or POURED) on top of; let's just think about how to make it.

Here was my suggestion*:

*Actual screencap of my comment on The Bloggess's page

So what do you think? 

Suggestions as to whether the flour and the puree would really work? 

Should I be more precise regarding how the heavy cream is sweetened?

What do you think it would taste like?

What might it be good with?

Feel free to make your comments over on The Bloggess's post instead of here. But truthfully, unless you make them here, I'll probably never see them.

Toodles.

Oh! P.S.: I'm putting a list of Depression blog posts written by other sufferers in the sidebar. It might just have one today, but I'll have to google a bunch to find the ones I've read before. 

Twitter: New-Fangled Confessional Booth?

I love Twitter. I like it that people say there what they might not say otherwise, even if they delete the tweet within 30 seconds of posting it.

Twitter has also brought to my attention some people of note who suffer from mental illness, the most recent being Peter Serafinowicz.


Peter "is an English actor, comedian, writer, composer, voice artist and occasional director," who was the voice of Darth Maul in "The Phantom Menace," and played Pete in "Shaun of the Dead." For Anglophiles: he's also been in "Spaced," "The IT Crowd," and "Black Books." [IMDB entry]


Today, Peter shared via Twitter a blog post written by Amy Jane Smith (whose name makes me think she's the offspring of The Doctor & River Song) along with sharing that he, too, suffers from Depression and Anxiety. [For DW reference explanation, see: John Smith, Sarah-Jane Smith, Amelia Pond, River Song]

I wouldn't wish Depression and Anxiety on anyone, but it does me good to see that there are others battling mental illness and are still successful in life. Also, I am grateful that they are willing to share their experiences with us so that we can find hope ourselves.


So, a big thank you to everyone who chooses to share with the world that they've struggled. Hopefully someday the stigma will be gone.


Update: Turns out Peter wrote a load of tweets on the subject! Busy compiling them now.
Update 2: Here they are...

I'm Blue

Found this PET scan image by the Mayo Clinic very interesting (via Reddit).

Depression is a physical disability, a mood disorder. Not a personality flaw. Why can't people see that?

Here's an article by Dr. Norman Rosenthal, MD, to help detect Depression in yourself and loved ones. It addresses some of the more puzzling things about Depression, such as losing interest in doing the things that once gave you joy while being able to continue low-commitment things like surfing the 'net and gaming.

The past few days have been...bad. For me. Emotionally. Haven't opened the blinds in two days. Haven't been on the treadmill in longer than that. Slept a lot the past couple of days trying to escape intrusive negative thoughts. Nothing like hurting myself or anyone, but sad, anxiety-ridden thoughts, nevertheless. Bad news is: the sadness and anxiety is creeping into my dreams. Needless to say, that makes me feel somewhat cornered emotionally. I have an appointment with a VA psychiatrist coming up soon, thank goodness.

What set this off? Well, my mood was already sort of flagging, but then I made the mistake of reading part of the EEO Report of Investigation. That triggered lots of anxiety and tears as well as reliving being fired. I've relived that day in some respect every single day since April 2011. It's very frustrating, and it's hard to distract myself from it.

At the same time, I'm incredibly grateful for the friends and family who are lending their financial and emotional support. In that way, it's Thanksgiving in my heart every single day.

Tolerable Work Outs?

Did 30 minutes on the treadmill today. Make no mistake: I'm still not running. Not because I don't want to, but because I'm not able to run for any amount of time yet that makes it worthwhile to change the speed on the treadmill (if you saw how my laptop is set up on it, you'd see why).

To compensate for not being at a fitness level where I'm able to run and being unwilling to change the treadmill's speed, I change up how I walk in time to the music. It winds up forming little intervals where I'll be out of breath, then I can return to walking normally to catch my breath.

(Also, I accidentally increased the incline while setting up my laptop a few days ago and just left it. Figure it's good for me. As a result, I've begun striving for 30 minutes instead of an hour. Anything over 30 minutes is gravy.)

Admitting to my silliness on the treadmill embarrasses me a little, but I feel some ridiculous need to prove to you that I'm not just plodding along at the slowest possible setting.

Since I've starting using the treadmill recently, I haven't felt happy to be there. It's like taking medicine--the endorphins (however small the dose) are drugs to help me improve my life.

Slogging through treadmill time made me think of something else I've wanted to get into, but I keep starting and stopping. I figured I'm not doing crap while I'm on the treadmill, so I might as well try to meditate at the same time. I didn't know if it was possible, but I knew the Internet would tell me how others had fared when trying.

So I googled "meditation while running," and it brought me to this Runners World article. I actually read the whole thing (took me hours, starting and stopping--I feel almost constantly distracted). I don't know that meditation on a treadmill would be ideal, as part of the meditation is mindfulness of surroundings. But I figured, "Hey, if I can do it on a treadmill, doing it on a track or in the neighborhood will be a piece of cake."

I intend to try tomorrow; I'll let you know how it goes.

Today I looked a bit into building a playlist that I give a crap about because I thought maybe the radio's commercials were bringing me down. I simply don't have the patience to cobble a playlist together. There are several available to download for free online (many in line with Couch-to-5K (C25K) training), but lots of them are just, like, rave music or something. I kind of need familiarity, otherwise the music's just irritating.

It may seem weird that I'm harping so much on this treadmill stuff when I'm not exactly sporty, it's not making me lose weight, etc. But it's the only part of my life and therapy I'm willing to share at this point. It's something. Maybe it'll help someone.

In other news, I've been reading some FlyLady and have set a timer to do a little something toward improving my environment every 30 minutes or so. In the course of this, I found a study guide I'd been looking for since it arrived via UPS. I'd left it in the box and put it on top of another nondescript box.

Heigh-ho, on we go.

Brat

Years ago I was subscribed to some motivational newsletter. Back when I used a Hotmail account. I can't remember what it was called. One thing I remember the writer saying is if you really want something, you should pursue it like a child does. Can you remember a time when you were a kid and wanted something really badly? I can. I would beg and scheme endlessly.

I'm not sure why I've lost that tenacity as an adult. Maybe I just don't have the energy for it anymore. Maybe it's too easy to think of all the reasons why something isn't instead of ways to make it so.

What reminded me of that point was waking up this morning and realizing my workout clothes were still wet in the washer. I aim to hop onto the treadmill as soon as I'm finished with my coffee so I can ride that caffeine-induced wave of energy. 

Knowing my workout clothes were wet and that they should not be put into a hot dryer due to potentially ruining all the stretchiness responsible for jiggle control (which--let's face it--I really value in activewear), I was annoyed. Then I realized: why do they have to be dry to wear them? I'm not leaving the house. I won't sit while wearing them. They're going to get gross and sweaty in the first 15 minutes. Screw it, I'm wearing them wet.

And I did.

I got my way because I was a stubborn brat who knew what I wanted and what needed to be done, and it worked. 

Now if I can just make that a habit and turn it into money...

Clutch-Poppin'

The last few days have not been going well as far as feeling as if I've progressed or accomplished anything. It's like I'm repeatedly popping the clutch: lurch forward, then screech to a halt. Over and over.

I haven't been logging food and accomplishments like I said I would, and I haven't hit the treadmill every day. But I refuse to beat myself up about it. I'm just here to confess and move on.

On the plus side: I've been taking my meds every day and have been able to fall asleep at night. Now if I can just master Staying Asleep and Sleeping a Reasonable Number of Hours, I'll be golden.

One resource that helps me get off my duff sometimes when I feel like my brain is flat-lining is The FlyLady. Now, before you head over there, let me warn you: a *lot* of what is on the site and in the multiple daily emails is trying to sell stuff from her store. But, if you don't need products, just ignore that part. Take the motivation you need from the anecdotes, and tailor her methods to your own life. At the very least, she will teach you to delete unread email with no remorse.

I talked to a good friend about motivation; she says sometimes she has to make a point to congratulate herself on every little thing she does to get through the day. I totally agree that that's a smart way to go. I mean, I've been known to beat myself up about little crap that barely matters, why not congratulate myself on getting things done?

Why do I have "topics" available as a label/tag for posts? Dumb.